Merry Christmas.
I didn't think it was going to be a very merry day. I woke up praying that God would help me through the day. It was, in fact, not a "bad" day for me. I tried to continue reminding myself what this day is really about. It's hard to have a really bad day when you're celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
It was Sunday, so before opening presents, we went to church. I must admit that I had a hard time focusing on what was said. I was thinking about my Hope. This would have been her first Christmas. Just like I had done so many times before she was born, I tried to picture what our life would be like now. This time, it was not with the excitement of what would be, but the longing of what could have been.
After church we came home and opened our Christmas presents. One of the presents my wonderful husband got for me was a Willow Tree figurine called "Hope."
"Hope lifts us up!"
This gift was actually not a surprise.
It was two weeks after Hope died. We had been surrounded by family and friends (which we were and are very thankful for) ever since Hope died and my mom was still staying with us at the time. We needed some time to ourselves. We decided to go to the mall just to walk around. Even when I'm not looking to buy one, I like going to Hallmark just to look at the Willow Tree figurines. I can tell you a lot of the different ones they have, but I had never noticed this one. God knew I needed to find this piece today. I fell in love with it immediately. It really did lift my spirits. My baby Hope was with Jesus and she was happy! The look on a child's face when they're playing with a balloon for the first time is priceless. I could just picture my Hope in Heaven with a huge grin on her face. So happy to be with her Savior. I couldn't help but smile.
I still miss my Hope terribly, but I am so happy for her.
After opening presents, we all went over to the Rodgers' for Christmas dinner. What a wonderful family! They have been a huge blessing to our family, especially in these last few weeks. I wasn't sure about being around so many people that day, but I am so glad we went. We had a really good time. After dinner, we pulled out a puzzle and a few of us worked on it until way too late. It was a good distraction and I had fun.
Quick story before I move on. I love snow! One year when I was younger, we were going to be traveling to Kansas for Christmas. I'm from the South, so I had never had a white Christmas, or a white anything for that matter. I prayed fervently for months in advance that we would have a white Christmas. If I remember correctly, there was no snow on the ground when we got to my Aunt's house that year. I continued to pray for my white Christmas. I woke up on Christmas morning, rushed to the window, and what did I see? White. Everything was white! God had answered my prayers above and beyond what I had expected. It snowed practically all day. It was a wonderful show that God does answer prayer (even what would seem to be an insignificant prayer). So snowflakes are kind of my reminder of that fact.
I told that story so I could share this. My sister-in-law and I had been praying that we would have snow on Christmas. I had checked the weather and there was no forecast for snow on Christmas. I continued to pray. I wasn't really concerned with a "white Christmas." I just wanted a reminder that God was still there. That He still heard my prayers. I guess that sounds bad and a lot like I have lost faith. I have not. I still firmly believe that God is there and He hears my prayers. It is just nice (especially in times like these) to have a "tangible" reminder. Anyway, as we were sitting down having dinner, it began to snow. It did not snow for very long, but it snowed hard. It was perfect timing, too. If it had not snowed while we were sitting down having dinner, there is a very good possibility I would not have seen it at all. Thank you Lord, for that small token of love. For me, it was like God wrapping His arms around me and saying, "I'm still here for you and I love you."
He loves you, too. He loves you more than anyone else ever could, because He created you. If you would like to hear more of God's love for you and how He has shown that love, please send me a message. I would be honored to share what God has done in my life and what He wants to do in yours.
Psalm 50:15
"And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me."
James 1:12
"Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him."
Just the image make me cry, so what we need at this time.
ReplyDeleteI found you through facebook, I just read your whole blog from beginning to present. My heart aches for you, I have not lost a child but I know the story all to well. My husbands cousin and wife lost their first baby boy in the same manner. Your strength and faith amaze me. They used their strength and faith to go on and have a baby girl who is 4 and another is due any day! I know that the pain is real and raw, but God does have a plan and I know you were and will be a great, loving mother. I wish the best for you and will continue to follow your story. God bless you, your family, and your angel Hope!
ReplyDeletePS I love willow tree they are just lovely! I have many of the angels and I am not sure if they make them any longer. I wish I had a hope angel, I would send it to you. You will always be in my thoughts.
Thank you, Krico. I've seen the Angel of Hope. It's a beautiful piece. I appreciate your comments. It is so good to know that people are reading about my Hope and are encouraged.
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