Our Rainbow After the Storm

Nine months doesn't really seem like that long to wait to get pregnant, but when it's after a full term stillbirth, it seems like forever. 

Our wait is finally over, though. On August 12th, my husband and I found out we were expecting again. Our sweet rainbow baby is finally on his/her way. 

What is a rainbow baby? 

A "rainbow baby" is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or stillbirth.In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continues to cope with the loss, but something colorful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.

-The Urban Dictionary

My husband and I couldn't be happier to have another little one on the way. Hope is going to be a big sister!

As happy and excited as we are, these last 16 weeks (that's how far along I am) have not been easy, to say the least. Our roller coaster ride continues as we take each day at a time hoping and praying we get to bring home a healthy baby this time around. The problem is, we're no longer so naive to think that getting pregnant and making it to full term means bringing home a baby. I knew it would be difficult, but I had no idea how difficult. It's gotten a little better now that I'm out of my first trimester and am feeling the baby kick, but I can only image how nerve racking it will be once I get close to full term. 

Being pregnant after losing a child is hard, not only because you're terrified of losing another child, but also because of what people think and expect. 

First of all, everyone expects you to be excited. 

Now, don't get me wrong, we are very excited to be pregnant again - but we're also terrified. We're excited to be pregnant, but terrified of losing another child, and it meets somewhere in the middle that looks like indifference (at least for me it does). A big part of why we waited as long as we could to tell people we were expecting is because we really didn't want to talk about the pregnancy with others. How do you really explain this to people that have no idea what it's like? 

Secondly, many people expect you to be "all better" now that you're expecting another baby.

Really? Well, it's far from the truth. I probably think about and miss Hope more now than I did in the few months before getting pregnant again. As with any mother, we love all of our children, and having a second child does not lessen our love for our first. If I had to guess, I'd say that this is the one thing that women expecting their rainbow baby wish everyone else understood. 

But despite the difficulties, we are so thankful to be blessed with another child. God has answered our prayers and now we can only trust Him for the outcome. Praying that at the end of April, we'll be able to bring home a perfect, healthy baby. 

1 Samuel 1:27

"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him:"

"Cookie" at 9 weeks