Our Precious Hope: Joy comes with the morning.

Saturday, as you've probably already read, was not a good day. But before I went to bed, I was sitting in my chair catching up on Facebook. One of my friends posted in her status, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Psalm 30:5. I really needed to hear that verse. There has been a lot of weeping over the last month and a half and it feels like it will never end. It was a wonderful reminder that, no, it won't last forever. I will grieve for a time, but the Lord is helping me through, and "joy cometh in the morning." A few verses back, the psalmist says, "O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me." Later in the chapter the psalmist writes, "Hear, O Lord, and have mercy upon me: Lord, be thou my helper. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; to the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever." The Lord hears my prayers and He hears the prayers of everyone else and He is helping me to heal. I will continue to praise Him. I love how the Lord uses other people to be an encouragement without them even knowing it.

My days are getting better. My bad days aren't as bad and my good days are better. Sunday was the first of three good days in a row. I went through Hope's keepsake box again that we got from the hospital, and put a few new things in it. It's still hard to believe sometimes that this has really happened. That she is really gone. So many things we will never get to do with our baby girl. I told Nathan that it will probably be so hard not to completely spoil our next little one.

Sunday night, we did talk about when we would try to get pregnant again. I'm not sure when we will try again, but I'm excited about the prospect. I've gone through different phases since Hope died. My first reaction was that I never wanted to get pregnant again. I never wanted to risk having to go through this hurt again. It was too much. About a week or two later, I became extremely impatient to get pregnant again. I wanted the hurt to go away. I wanted a new baby to fill the emptiness I felt. I kept telling myself that I wasn't trying to replace Hope, but in reality, that is exactly what I wanted to do. Monday, as I was thinking about our conversation the night before, I realized that I was no longer impatient to get pregnant like I was before. I was excited about the prospect of a new baby. Not a replacement for Hope. She is our firstborn and she can't be replaced. Not a baby to help me forget. I don't ever want to forget and time will help me heal. I don't know when we will be ready to try again, but when we do, I will be so excited about having another baby to love. Excited about baby number two - Hope's little brother or little sister.