Grieving

~November 19, 2011~

Another day. It still didn't seem real. Those first few days almost seemed easier to get through. There was a lot going on and I was probably in denial. We had a few visitors that day and then that evening we went over to a friend's house for supper. My mom made a delicious gumbo - one of my favorite Cajun dishes. We did have a good evening, but I did not make it through the evening without breaking down. I saw something that reminded me of Hope and I lost it. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything where I wasn't reminded of what I had lost.

~November 20, 2011~

Time to myself. From the time we found out we had lost Hope, I had barely any time to myself. I was very thankful for the friends and family that were there to support us those first few days, but now I needed some time to myself. I needed to be able to grieve without worrying about what others thought or needed. I planned this time for Sunday morning when everyone else would be at church.

I got out of bed as everyone was leaving and quickly got everything together that I needed. There were a few things that people had given us/me that had been too hard for me to look at before, as well as a few songs that I wanted/needed to listen to. I spent the next 30-45 minutes crying over each piece; remembering the last 9 months I spent with my precious daughter and grieving over the lost dreams of the future.

I'd like to share a few of those things with you.

We were given this blanket before we left the hospital. It is from a wonderful organization called Project Linus (http://www.projectlinus.org/). I don't know who Grama Glo is, but I love the beautiful blanket she made.

Hope's Blanket

I made this onesie for Hope at my baby shower. Not knowing then whether I was having a boy or a girl, she was my little turkey.

Hope's Onesie

A very special little girl made this card for me. I love it.

A mommy turkey & and baby turkey.

My mom actually bought this Willow Tree figurine for me the morning we found out that Hope had passed away. She didn't know at the time that our precious gift had already gone to Heaven.

"Our Gift"
Though we only had Hope for 9 months,
she was God's gift to us - our beautiful gift. 

A dear friend of ours from Ohio wrote this poem for us.

Trust and See

I was fearfully and wonderfully made,

As God covered me in your womb.

While my substance was still yet imperfect,

My members, in His book, there was room.

I was no secret to God as He formed me.

For His glory, He shared me with you,

Just long enough so you'd know me

When we meet face to face o'er the blue.

I'll know you when I see you;

You'll know me, too, as we meet - 

I look like you, and yet like Christ. 

I'll be sitting at His feet.

Remember, now, God's wisdom - 

He knew what was best for me.

He'll also help to ease the time

of waiting, trust and see.

I'd also like to share a couple of songs that have been a help to me. 

Held by Natalie Grant

I know that God is holding me.

"For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee."

Isaiah 41:13

I Will Carry You by Selah

"I will praise the One who's chosen me to carry you."

There are more, but I'll share them periodically in my later posts. 

I was glad to have that time to myself. I felt much better afterward and actually had a good afternoon. We all went out to lunch with some friends from church and that night we crowded around Nathan's computer to watch a movie. God has truly blessed us with great friends and family. 

God was with us in the hospital and I knew that He would continue to walk with us through the days and months ahead. We were going to be okay.