Real life

1/3/12

The holidays are over and it's back to real life. I was not ready for this. It was another hard day. The original plan was for me to go back to work as a nanny, but it didn't end up working out that way. I think, in the end, it's a blessing. In a way, I would have liked to have gone back to work. But I know that I'm not ready yet. I think it's for the best.

I went to visit Hope today. It was a very hard day. I miss her so much. I don't remember how long I stayed at the cemetery, but it was quite awhile. When I finally got in the car to go, I couldn't leave. I was crying so hard., I wouldn't have been able to see to drive. I sat in my car for another good 15 minutes just crying and looking at her grave. I didn't want to leave her. I know that it is just her body there. Her soul, what makes her who she is, is in Heaven now. But I feel close to her there.

As I'm sitting in the car, I look down at my feet and notice something. I bent over to pick it up. It was a  little angel. It belongs on an anklet, but it had fallen off a few weeks ago and I couldn't find it. Of all the days and places to find it. I felt like it was God's timing. God reminding me that my baby was with Him. That she is perfect and happy now. I still miss her like crazy, but at least I know she is taken care of and I will see her again someday.

1/4/12

Four days in and 2012 is still not looking good. I can't get out of this slump.

I spend a lot of time working on my new community page on Facebook talking to other women that have also lost a child. It is encouraging to know that I'm not alone. It is also encouraging to know that I can help others. Since I've started my blog and my Facebook page, I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from others saying that they have been helped and encouraged.

Another instance of God's perfect timing.

About a week or so ago, we had a package slip in the mail saying we had two packages waiting for us at the Post Office. When Nathan went to pick them up, they only gave him one. Well, I finally went out to see if it was a typo on the paper or if there was another package for me.

They did have another package for me.

A very dear friend of mine that I haven't seen in awhile sent me this beautiful vase. It was perfect timing. I love it.

This gift came a few weeks back, but it was on another day that I was really struggling.

Angel's Embrace

It reminds me that Hope is in Heaven with the angels. She is not suffering. She is in having a wonderful time singing praises to her Savior.

God knows our every need and He is always watching over us. I'm so thankful He is with me now. I continually see His love through the little blessings and reminders He sends.

Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:17-18 "The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.