From Where I Stand

I've had a couple of people comment about not seeing any new blog posts recently. I guess things have just been the same. Good days, bad days, up and down. I stay busy with my businesses and my Hope page. Ya'll don't need to be board by my day to day life.

Life goes on, though I still feel like my world has come to a screeching halt. It's been about 2.5 months since Hope passed away. I don't think it ever really gets any easier. I think you just start to learn how to deal with the pain. There is never a day and very few moments where I do not think about my daughter and what could have been. I miss her dearly.

I'm sure some people feel like it's been long enough. It's time for us to get back to all of the things we used to do.  I'm here to say, that 2.5 months is not a long time. The pain is still very close.

My heart is broken. 2.5 months cannot fix that.

I'm very thankful for the people that God has placed in my life. My husband is an amazing support and comfort to me. My best friend has been a God-send. And I've met two other angel mommies that I can't even begin to say how much they've encouraged me through this last month. And I'm thankful that the people who have said the wrong thing, are few and far between.

For those of you who want to know What You Should (and Shouldn’t) Say to Someone Who has Lost a Baby, that is a well written blog post you should check out.

I try to visit Hope at least once a week. Again, it is something that I never understood before (visiting and decorating a grave), but I do it. She's still my daughter. And though I know she isn't here any more, it's one of the ways I grieve. In some weird way, it makes me feel better visiting her and bringing things to make her grave not look so empty.

I actually visited Hope three times last week. The third visit, I went because a friend of mine had stopped by and left a rose for Hope. That was all the reason I needed to go out for another visit. It meant so much to me that she took time out of her day to visit my precious daughter.

I seem to end up at the cemetery at sunset almost every time. As I stand there, I look behind me to see the beautiful picture God has painted in the sky. I know He is there with me. I know He still loves me. I know He is still carrying me through.

The view from where I stand.

 

Psalm 42:5 "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance."