The New Year

12/31/11

I wasn't really sure what to expect with the coming new year. My other firsts weren't too bad; Hope's due date, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Though I did kind of feel like those first few weeks I was in a fog. Still shocked by what had happened, not wanting to believe it was true.

This day actually went fairly well.

I have somewhat of a collection of "Hope" ornaments now. We decided to go out and get another tree so that next year we can have a Hope tree. Here's my collection so far.

My photo ornament came from Dee's Pretties 

(https://www.facebook.com/DeesPretties).

Before going to bed that night, I decided to check my e-mail. I couldn't believe what I saw. The lady that made the photo ornament of Hope for me wants to start making them for other families who have also lost a child - for free. She wants to call them Ornaments of Hope. Ornaments of Hope because Hope's story is what inspired her to do this and also her (our) desire that these ornaments would give these grieving families hope. Ornaments of Hope will be set up on my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/ourprecioushope) and I will be helping her with orders. I'm glad there is SOMETHING I can do to help these other families. I wish I could do more. 

And back to my roller coaster ride...

I was very excited about helping get Ornaments of Hope started, but by the time I got in bed I was already starting to go back down the other side. 

I really wasn't even thinking about the new year or what that meant. At least not that I remember. I guess I was subconsciously, though. Nathan and I were lying in bed talking when it turned midnight. Right as I heard the first set of fireworks going off, I started crying. The beginning of a new year. The first New Years without my daughter and I was not ready for it. I cried myself to sleep that night. 

1/1/12

Today was not a good day.

I considered skipping church today. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it through without breaking down, but I went anyway. I didn't even make it through the first song. I was crying so hard I had to leave the sanctuary. I can't remember all of the songs that were sung, but I know they all had to do with God is good and faithful. Something I continue to remind myself of daily. I miss Hope terribly, but God is still good. I love the first verse of the song Great is Thy Faithfulness. My God is still the same today as He was in October. He has not and will not change. God is good all the time.

The church we are going to does not have their own building yet and is meeting in the funeral home. The same funeral home were Hope's service was. When I left the sanctuary today, I went to the room were Hope had been. The room where we saw her beautiful face and kissed her sweet cheeks for the last time here on this earth.  I sat on the couch and stared at the place where her body had been and cried. I felt close to her in that room. Six weeks and 3 days. I still miss her like crazy!

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart..."

Great is Thy Faithfulness

"Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not

As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.

"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

"Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!