Don't cry over spilled milk.

That seems simple enough, right? Wrong.

I've lost count of how many times I've cried over stupid, simple, insignificant things in the past 6 months. I haven't cried over spilled milk yet (because I haven't spilled any), but I have cried over ruined dinners, spilling beads all over the floor, dropping an almost completed necklace and having to string it all over again, and the list goes on.

Many people have said that it's just the overwhelming sense of grief just coming to the surface at that moment. I don't believe that's the case, though I have had that happen.

Overwhelmed...

One of the meanings for overwhelmed is "buried or drowned beneath a huge mass." That's a pretty accurate description.

When I ruin a meal and start to cry, it's not because the grief just comes flooding back. No, it's because my emotions are on overdrive (to say the least), and anything that comes up that I'm not prepared for sends me over the edge.

It overwhelms me.
My chest tightens up.
I feel like I have a brick on top of me.
I start to cry.

It's been over 6 months now. I don't ALWAYS cry over a ruined dinner or spilled beads anymore, but my chest still tightens up and I have to remind myself to take deep breaths to calm myself down.

What overwhelms me? A LOT.

Maybe one day I'll be back to the Maegan that everyone knows and loves. But for now, you're stuck with me. Quiet, anti-social, and guarded me.

Do you struggle with being overwhelmed? Pray with me. Pray that God will give you the grace and the peace and the strength you need to overcome.

2 Thessalonians 3:16
"Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all."